dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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