I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
