I could make wine with my vomit
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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