Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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