can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
