how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
