we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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