I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
