if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
