First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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