look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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