my mouth tastes like poor choices
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
