singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
