Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
