Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
