I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
