Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
