I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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