cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
