her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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