sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
