i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
me + whiskey = a bad person
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
