Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
