She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
