For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
