I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
