Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
