I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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