is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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