Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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