my vag is so smooth its legendary
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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