You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
