Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
