I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
