I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
