I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
