So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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