Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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