we have pet lesbian snakes
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
