its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
