trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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