I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I would ride that face into the sunset
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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