Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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