i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
