What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
