Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
