I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
