Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
