You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
