hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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